Just Me... checking in

Hello, it's been awhile... what's up? Nothing new....it's been such a long time and I really have been missing you.............

Actually, I have loads of things that have been new with ME. I am no longer a "single Me", I am a "married Me". Quite surprisingly Jim and I tied the knot on April 24, 2010. We had a small intimate wedding ceremony with close friends and family.

We honeymooned in Savannah and St Augustine which was lovely. So much history and beautiful architecture. We had loads of fun. Married life is different, I have lived a single life for over 18 years. I did not have plans to fall and love and remarry. My heart has been badly broken and scarred. The last thing I wanted was to open my heart up to possible pain. But then again.... life is about risks. It's about living and loving. It's about taking chances. I am so glad I did. I am very happy being a "married ME". Life is good.

My QUEST to find ME, however is ongoing. I have still been exercising, working out, running and doing some races. I did the Princess Half Marathon in March, just 2 days after getting the cast off my left wrist. I had fractured it during a running workout when I attempted to run backwards... evidently I am not talented enough to handle that. Needless to say, the injury set me back since it caused some problems with my blood pressure. Sounds weird, my that is my body's reaction to pain evidently. Loads of fun at the Princess Half Marathon, got to get in touch with my inner "Princess". Thank goodness Jim caters to that part of ME.

After months of struggle to find a routine that works with my new married life, I think I am closer to finding it.... I get up early, about 4:30-ish (those that know me understand how important the "ish" is in my time frames) to do a running/ treadmill workout. Having always been more of a morning person this works for me. All was going well with that schedule UNTIL....

My sister, Kathy..... broke her toe!!! Now why does this affect ME? Well.... since she is the dedicated athlete who couldn't miss her training and has now been sidelined from running, she needed a different type of cross-training. She says to me... I think I am going to swim while my toe heals. Kathy has never been a swimmer, so this is BIG news to me. SWIMMING for me has always been my first love. I love the water.... the way your body glides effortlessly thru the water. The way the sun reflects off the surface. The way you can be underwater and look up into the sky and see the sunlight streaming thru the water and looking at the world thru a different perspective. Being the ever supportive older sister, I tell Kathy.... "I will swim with you". I hadn't really swam since high school when I was on the swim team. I have missed it over the years, but have been to unhappy with my body to get into a bathing suit and jump into the water. I have more self-confidence now. Thanks to my new athletic lifestyle and quest for a healthy life. I found yet ANOTHER PIECE OF ME... the part of me who LOVES the water. I love the way my body feels in the water, I love feeling my muscles getting stronger, I love the peace and serenity of the water. I love the opportunity to swim and think... think and swim. Solve all the worlds problems and a few of my own as I propel myself across the pool. Strong and Steady, lap after Lap. I feel guilty for saying this, but Kathy already knows.... I am happy she broke her toe... It helped me find ANOTHER PIECE OF ME , that I thought was forever lost. The SWIMMER in me... the part of me who is most at peace... in the water.

It's All About Me or Is it?

The Search for Me continues and brings with it, lots of interesting revelations in the process. It's All about Me... some of the time. It's Part about Family, Friends ALL of the time. It's about two people finding LOVE when they had thought their hearts could no longer love. It's about life and learning the process of living. Two separate things entirely. It's about finding what gives you contentment, joy and stability

It's having Faith, Hope, Love and Dreams. It's about risk and opening up a carefully guarded heart and allowing someone in. It's about Trust. Trust in yourself, trust in others. It's about learning to move forward when it's easier to live in the past. The painful part in the "Search for Me" is being vulnerable. By living in the past it never allows you search the potential for the future. Life is full of risks. Some less dramatic than others.

The Part of Me I have found now... it the part of me that is resilient and able to take that risk. The risk to love again and to be happy. To live and look towards the future with hope and dreams.

ME???? Oh YES I can...

This has been a great week, a week where I have learned a little bit more about ME.

I learned this week that YES I CAN do a Half Marathon. Never in a million years would I have considered doing a half marathon a year ago. Now, so much has changed.

I have my sister, my parents and loads of supportive friends who have helped me realize that I CAN do the

thing I thought I could not do. (just a paraphrase of my favorite Eleanor Roosevelt quote).

After months of training, months of self doubt and dealing with a body that is plagued with aches and pains I managed to complete the Women's Running Half Marathon in St Pete last weekend. It ranks as one of my most exciting experiences of my life. I am not fast, so I had lots of time to think. 3:36:07 to be exact. I thought about how far I have come on my fitness journey. I thought about love and loss.

I thought about friendships and family. I thought about immortality or lack thereof. I thought about Mike.... alot.

I thought about my little pup, Marshall. I realized I was amazed by the sheer magnitude of the goal I had set for me. After 51 years, it was actually the first goal I can remember setting and worked

towards achieving. It was an awesome experience. An incredible experience. One that teaches me alot about my self. I am an athlete and I like it! I don't ever NOT want to be an athlete. I don't want to stand on the sidelines

and watch life pass me by. I spent far too many years doing exactly that.

I met Kathrine Switzer this weekend, the first woman to ever run in the Boston Marathon... what a kind, motivating woman. We spoke and she offered such motivation. She didn't take one look at me and think she was wasting her time, she made me BELIEVE that YES I CAN do a Half Marathon. She wrote on my race bib upside down, so during that long 13.1 mile experience I could look down at it, read her inspirational words and be inspired to achieve my dreams!

The running gods were with me this week, as I finished my long race I had the honor to run to the Finish Line with none other than my very first source of motivation... John (the Penguin) Bingham. An awesome moment. My prayers to God were fulfilled when he sent so many angels to help me complete my goal. My sister, Kathy, my dear friends.... Colleen, Dawn, Rhonda, Brenda, Denise, and her sister, Terry. My blogging friend Robin, keeping me motivated each and every day. My parents who believed I

could do this (after proper medical clearance, of course), and my boss Sharon( a fellow cancer survivor)... who always says the most motivating things when I need to hear them most. These are the people that helped bring me to this point in my life.

As I continue to SEARCH for ME, these people are my companions on my journey. I am thankful for them. Since today is THANKSGIVING... the Turkey Trot was in Orlando. Due to a slight injury during my Half Marathon, I chose to "sit out" the race today so I could be well healed for my Savannah Bridge Run next week. I was ecstatic to learn that while it was great WATCHING THE RACE..... I would much rather be PARTICIPATING IN THE RACE. That is the part of ME, I found today.

Happy Thanksgiving

Pieces of Me

Yesterday... I discovered a new "piece" of me. I was participating in my very first 10K race. I have been training for a Half Marathon for months, never really considered doing a 10K which probably would be a natural progression from a 5K prior to attempting the Half Marathon. So here I am ONE WEEK before the BIG race and my sister talked me into doing the 10K in the Track Shack's Founder's Day Race in Celebration.

I was really looking forward to it, maybe a little nervous because it was my very first 10K, but otherwise fine. The weather was PERFECT, you couldn't have asked for a better day.

I started the race, and since I run/walk my races I am not the speediest racer on the block by any means. I am doing this for my health, for myself, for the wonderful feeling of accomplishment it provides me. I love the adrenaline rush and the continual training that allows me to get better. I love the fact that my sister and I have finally been able to spend lots of time bonding after many years of raising our children, who of course were very different. She has 3 boys and I had 1 girl. Not

much in common there other than they are our children. Anyway... I love that I feel better, stronger, and emotionally healthy. (others may disagree on this point, nonetheless since I am writing this blog I can say what I want!)

Now... back to the race! I started off and the course thru Celebration is just beautiful, picture perfect... It's like a "Stepford" town. Everything is perfect and beautiful. My first two miles are slow.... really slow... my body aches, my shins hurt and I am asking... "Where the heck are my endorphins, they should be kicking in by now". Finally as I am passing by the water stop at mile marker #2, I suddenly start to feel great, the pain is gone, my pace picks up and I am ready to kick asphalt... at least as much as a newbie joggywalker can do. Passing by miles, 3, 4, 5, and then 6... is great THEN it happens. Talk about hitting a BRICK wall? What about hundreds of people blocking your pathway to the FINISH LINE? I see the 5k-er's lining up for the next race and they are rows deep and wide... no one is moving to let me or the other less fast, or shall I say slower joggywalkers finish OUR race. I decide to start running and head straight into the mass of bodies... people suddenly start to move to the side after this wonderful man in a "Boston Marathon" t-shirt screams for people to move aside and gives me a big "Thumbs up" and "Good job". I press on to the Finish Line and I am MAD.... My first 10 K and I had to fight to the finish! After numerous not so nice words about what happened and my sister calming me down, I was able to relax and savor the important moments and reflect on what really counts.

What really matters is the I FINISHED A 10 K, whereas, strolling across the parking lot not too long ago was a challenge!!!! I am strong! I am healthy and looking forward to my next adventure. I found the part of me that perseveres, that is competitive, the part of me that "Dreams, Trains, and Achieves"!

My new doctor is wonderful and supportive, I met with her today and she gave me the results of my lab work... For the first time that I can remember... everything was wonderful. All that exercise, working out, and eating right actually works! Perfect glucose, cholestrol, triglycerides, kidney and liver functions, thyroid regulated, wonderful I am an athlete, so she says... My only glitch in my bloodwork which kept me from getting a PERFECT result was I have a Vitamin D deficiency. So.... I need more sunlight and chocolate milk. Got the prescription for a vacation in the islands and loads of 1% Chocolate Milk.... Now I can have it post work out and not feel guilty. MILK... it does your body good!

Hey, just another little bit of Me.

There are many, many things that I love... of course I love my family, my friends, even my job. But I have a passion for certain hobbies. Most notably, photography. I can go anywhere, do anything... as long as I have my camera I am content. My other passion is exercise and fitness. So of course when I am doing my 5K's or a 10K of a Half Marathon, the "little" camera comes with me. Gotta have it. It is essential running gear. Most "athletes". and I am an "athlete" my doctor says so!!!! LOL Don't consider a camera part of the sports gear thing, but I do. As I participate in runs I am always seeing photographic opportunities. Yesterday, I did 9 miles around Silver Lake. I started out just before sunrise. As I am finishing my first mile, the sun is rising, it is reflecting off the lake. There is a boat house, a few herons, a canoe in the water tied to the dock... the colors are gorgeous. I am thinking what a perfect picture op... and you know what, I don't have my camera on me. I totally missed a beautiful shot. The beauty however stays embedded in my mind. In addition to my photography, 5K-itis, I also enjoy poetry, reading and writing it. Often on my runs, I think of a poem that is inspired by my experience that particular day. I often wish I had a pen and paper with me to write my thoughts down. I think the most deep and profound thoughts as I am pounding the pavement. Can't you imagine... watching me, running... walking... taking pictures... pausing to jot down a few notes all while doing a 5K???? Crazy, but that is what I'd love to do. If my nature was not so competitive, that is what I would be doing.

Anyway, that is just another little bit of me. I love looking for the beauty in everyday life. The fluffy clouds, the way the sun reflects off water. The sunrises and the sunsets... the thunderstorms, flowers, trees and all those things. People... their faces, their reactions. The joys , the triumphs. The laughter, even the sadness.... Expressions that are priceless. My little guy, Marshall... It's about LIFE, about appreciation... about beauty of expression. It is ABOUT ME.....

Found another little part of ME....

I was in Sanford today for the Trick or Trot 5K this morning... Happy Halloween.

While I was there...I found yet another piece of ME. Yep, I found the piece that is yearning to become an athlete. Sports have always been a very important part of my life. From years of softball, cheerleading, swimming and now... walking/running! I am so addicted to this racing thing. It consumes me. As much as I struggle, it keeps calling my name and I keep answering. I have lots of regrets... so many years of abusing my body and not exercising have obviously taken it's toll. But... I may not be able to become 17 again, but I can strive to be the best 51 I can possibly be.

I am training for THE HALF MARATHON in just 3 weeks. I am nervous, excited and everything in between. Worried about finishing alive. Can I do it.... Oh YES, I can and I will. I will not set any records except the one that means the most to me... I will complete a 13.1 race, when a year ago, walking across a parking lot was a challenge.

I have lots of support from my wonderful family and friends who have encouraged me when I needed it most. I am growing stronger each and everyday.

I have felt the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat, tho the only one that can truly defeat me is.... MYSELF. I am not about to let that happen.

The Search for Me

Fifty one years spent searching for myself. Still haven't found me, but I may be getting close. At least I hope so. Once or twice over the years I've caught a glimpse of who I thought was me, only to have it slip away before I actually found me. So now, the never ending search continues.

I have been a daughter, a girlfriend, a wife, a mom, an employee, a friend, a volunteer, a granddaughter, a sister, a cancer survivor, even a doggie mom.... so many things. But underneath all of that, where is ME?

It hasn't been until the last couple of years, after the death of my beloved Michael, that I have finally started to examine my life in a different and more profound way. I loved Michael with my whole heart and I learned so very much from him. He died at the young age of 43. Yet he lived life with a passion and never-ending desire to do more, be more, to help others. His death left a gaping hole in my heart, yet inspired me to re-examine my own life.

The first step of this journey was to be healthy... just healthy.... emotionally and physically. Eat right and exercise. Sounds easy enough doesn't it. Well.... it is indeed a journey that starts with very small steps and I have started slow but progressing nicely if I say so myself. One day, I decided that after working out just a few short weeks on the treadmill, that I should do a 5K. So, in March 2007, I signed up for my very first 5K. It was called "Spring Fling" and sponsored by National Training Center in Clermont, Fl. I went with two friends from work, both were in much better shape than I. Me, weighing in at an enormous amount of weight ( so much I could not bring myself to type the number, maybe later) I started my first race.

It was a very chilly day and the course was hilly, my friends Laura and Brenda stayed with me for awhile and then I urged them to run ahead. I was walking the course and it was tough! Huffing and puffing my way thru it I was listening to my trusty IPOD, the tunes kept me going, as well as my love for Mike who had endured so much more than I. Surely I could do this. I kept walking and walking and walking... thought it would never end. I was the last person on the course... I was embarrassed to be so slow but I kept going, Finally, I saw the FINISH LINE, nothing ever seemed so beautiful in my life, my IPOD suddenly starts playing the theme from "Chariots of Fire" no lie, it was destiny... Broke out into a slow motion jog and crossed my very first finish line in my very first race!!!! My time was just under an hour... 59:58. But, you know what? I was hooked!!!!! The sense of accomplishment that I had from finishing that race was all I needed to begin the search for ME.

It has been 2+ years my addiction to 5K's continues, after that first race... I did a few more in 2007, in 2008 I went into 5K oblivion and didn't do a single race. My sister whom also developed 5K-itis in 2007 after catching it from me has been my partner in this journey. In 2009, 5K-itis returned with a vengeance. My sister, Kathy... my mom also afflicted with 5K-itis signed up for the Lady Track Shack 5K in Feb. 09. It was freezing.... freezing.... but after a year long rest from races, we were once again HOOKED. We completed several 5K's this year, loving and hating each one. Looking forward to our next adventure.

It seems that everyone I touch, develops 5K-itis... my friend, Colleen now afflicted joined my sister and I for her first 5K when we went to Clearwater to do the AFLAC Irongirl 5K. After crossing the FINISHLINE there she is now part of the team. My friend, Dawn, whom I recently reconnected with also developed 5K-itis after hanging out with me. She did her first 5K last weekend. Sneakers and Paws. She was awesome and I am so proud of her for taking that first step. Which is the hardest!!!!

I love John, the Penguin Bingham quote "The miracle is not that I finished the race, but that I had the courage to start". Never were truer words spoken. It is my mantra. My sister Kathy, has worked hard and recently did her first 10K. My sister, Colleen, and I will be going to St Pete next month for the Women's Running Half Marathon. Dawn, loved her first 5K so much she signed on to do the 5K part of that race.

So now the question is this.... will 5K-itis develop into full-fledged Marathonitis? I never thought I could do a 5K, the Half Marathon looms ahead in November... One thing I do know is this.... The future is wide open!