The Search for Me

Fifty one years spent searching for myself. Still haven't found me, but I may be getting close. At least I hope so. Once or twice over the years I've caught a glimpse of who I thought was me, only to have it slip away before I actually found me. So now, the never ending search continues.

I have been a daughter, a girlfriend, a wife, a mom, an employee, a friend, a volunteer, a granddaughter, a sister, a cancer survivor, even a doggie mom.... so many things. But underneath all of that, where is ME?

It hasn't been until the last couple of years, after the death of my beloved Michael, that I have finally started to examine my life in a different and more profound way. I loved Michael with my whole heart and I learned so very much from him. He died at the young age of 43. Yet he lived life with a passion and never-ending desire to do more, be more, to help others. His death left a gaping hole in my heart, yet inspired me to re-examine my own life.

The first step of this journey was to be healthy... just healthy.... emotionally and physically. Eat right and exercise. Sounds easy enough doesn't it. Well.... it is indeed a journey that starts with very small steps and I have started slow but progressing nicely if I say so myself. One day, I decided that after working out just a few short weeks on the treadmill, that I should do a 5K. So, in March 2007, I signed up for my very first 5K. It was called "Spring Fling" and sponsored by National Training Center in Clermont, Fl. I went with two friends from work, both were in much better shape than I. Me, weighing in at an enormous amount of weight ( so much I could not bring myself to type the number, maybe later) I started my first race.

It was a very chilly day and the course was hilly, my friends Laura and Brenda stayed with me for awhile and then I urged them to run ahead. I was walking the course and it was tough! Huffing and puffing my way thru it I was listening to my trusty IPOD, the tunes kept me going, as well as my love for Mike who had endured so much more than I. Surely I could do this. I kept walking and walking and walking... thought it would never end. I was the last person on the course... I was embarrassed to be so slow but I kept going, Finally, I saw the FINISH LINE, nothing ever seemed so beautiful in my life, my IPOD suddenly starts playing the theme from "Chariots of Fire" no lie, it was destiny... Broke out into a slow motion jog and crossed my very first finish line in my very first race!!!! My time was just under an hour... 59:58. But, you know what? I was hooked!!!!! The sense of accomplishment that I had from finishing that race was all I needed to begin the search for ME.

It has been 2+ years my addiction to 5K's continues, after that first race... I did a few more in 2007, in 2008 I went into 5K oblivion and didn't do a single race. My sister whom also developed 5K-itis in 2007 after catching it from me has been my partner in this journey. In 2009, 5K-itis returned with a vengeance. My sister, Kathy... my mom also afflicted with 5K-itis signed up for the Lady Track Shack 5K in Feb. 09. It was freezing.... freezing.... but after a year long rest from races, we were once again HOOKED. We completed several 5K's this year, loving and hating each one. Looking forward to our next adventure.

It seems that everyone I touch, develops 5K-itis... my friend, Colleen now afflicted joined my sister and I for her first 5K when we went to Clearwater to do the AFLAC Irongirl 5K. After crossing the FINISHLINE there she is now part of the team. My friend, Dawn, whom I recently reconnected with also developed 5K-itis after hanging out with me. She did her first 5K last weekend. Sneakers and Paws. She was awesome and I am so proud of her for taking that first step. Which is the hardest!!!!

I love John, the Penguin Bingham quote "The miracle is not that I finished the race, but that I had the courage to start". Never were truer words spoken. It is my mantra. My sister Kathy, has worked hard and recently did her first 10K. My sister, Colleen, and I will be going to St Pete next month for the Women's Running Half Marathon. Dawn, loved her first 5K so much she signed on to do the 5K part of that race.

So now the question is this.... will 5K-itis develop into full-fledged Marathonitis? I never thought I could do a 5K, the Half Marathon looms ahead in November... One thing I do know is this.... The future is wide open!